Mind & Body

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Invisible disability RANT

This post is going to be a rant from me. 

 A post about my opinions on the action of others.

If you didn't know my name is Samantha. I have some disability, I blog because its something that has captivated my attention and gives me something to do to pass the time. I don't really do much during the day as my disability keeps me from doing things.

I have a long history of Mental Illness for myself, but it is something that effects allot of members of my family. I was only diagnosed of being depressed when I was 21 years old.I should have been diagnosed very early in my life, I was bullied for pretty much most of y life for being overweight. I did poorly in school. I do have a history of self-harm and drug abuse. The counselling wasn't helping. They had said that I was too young to be depressed. I had started getting panic attacks while being a passenger in a vehicle. Then it progressed from not being able to be in a vehicle to being afraid to go outside. At this point in time, everyone around me was semi supportive. When I would try to go outside my body would seize, I would start sweating really bad then i would get tingling in my feet, my breath would start getting short. Millions of jumbled thoughts would go through my mind, I would literally think that I was dying. All of this just added more on top of the major depression that I was coping with. When I knew I had to be somewhere on a future date I would have problems sleeping, I would have random anxiety attacks. My anxiety started getting worse I was starting to feel out of body during attacks ( Depersonalization)

I went from being a spontaneous person who loved to be outside, I would take the train to downtown Calgary, AB. Almost every day. I interacted with people, I had many friends. I was a normal functioning person, and yearn to be that every day. Now I barely leave my it always Doctor and groceries.

If I hadn't wrote that no one would know my situation and my struggles. Or know that I don't want to live like this every day, no one should!

Yet people pass judgement "it's all in your head" or how could someone like you be considered disabled, it is a known fact that there are many stigmas to invisible disability, you can't physically see the person pain, or mental problems.

Angry, Steamed

Just because you don't see me freaking out while having a panic attack ( although sometimes i do go white) doesn't mean they aren't real, they aren't something you can control or stop, its years of coping with anxiety and being able to look calms so i don't draw attention to myself. Just because i look calm might be the narcotic anti-anxiety medication i'm on

The dirty looks I get when parked in the handicap spot, its despicable I already have social anxiety so when I hear you say "she doesn't look disabled to me, shame people take advantage of the system" When clearly my parking permit is posting in the windshield, I have the permit due to not being able to sit,stand or walk for long as my lower back has problems, I have to mentally PUSH myself to do my own grocery shopping, each time is mental exhausting. Most of the time I barely make it out without just leaving everything and getting out as quick as possible. Any other time i'm in a vehicle and we stop and I don't have to get out we don't use the disabled parking.

Another thing is the looks that my driver gets when I'm in the grocery store, he gets leered at, snorted at, sworn at. WHY? Because people have to make a judgment on a situation they know nothing about?

There are so many people who are in worse situations than me. People with invisible disabilities are already going through enough!!! Can't people just try to not pass judgment so quickly, we don't know any ones story, their background, what they go through each day. If you are having a bad day is it so hard to keep your negative comments to yourself?

I would like people to start really thinking before they comment out loud, if you don't understand something or you just hear information from others, investigate yourself!! I'm in a facebook group for people with anxiety and it was brought up that this girls mom just didn't understand, but he mom was added to the group and after seeing that many people go through the same things she started to understand. Knowing what's going on around you is a good thing, maybe if that woman who made the snide marks around me knew what anxiety or social anxiety is then maybe she wouldn't have been so quick to pass judgement and ruin my state of mind. You don't have to be arrogant to get your point across.  People actions hurt people.

There are so many people who suffer and put on a brave face, yet they get nasty looks and snide remarks thrown at them. not knowing what this person has to go through and the normalness that the person is seeing is a mask, under the mask is pretty ugly.

It really is hard to explain to someone an invisible disability, but you can help them get educated, send them to some groups you are part of, show them the information.

This is the end of my rant if you  go through this or know someone who has a comment below I would love to hear your stories.

Warning, meme


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